i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
my shit smells like andre
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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