i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
