Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
