I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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