Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
