you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
