We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
