I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Someone shit on the floor
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
