At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You can't special order awesome
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
