I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
