mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
