just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
