I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm getting married
To pizza
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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