My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
