If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
