I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
