so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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