Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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