He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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