you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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