Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
