i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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