Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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