You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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