bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
