if i can run in heels then i can drive
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
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