areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
