she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
