i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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