WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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