we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
