she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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