This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
