that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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