Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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