And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
