Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
