is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
