mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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