I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
