You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
