We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
