wanna go halves on a baby?
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
