Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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