All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
