Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
