It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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