she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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