this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I feel great
I just peed on a car
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
