a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
