and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
