16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
