Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
